IF: Gathering...Part 1

I went to the IF:Gathering last weekend, and before I forget some of the impressions it left on me, I wanted to write it down.  You know how they talk about the "spiritual high" that one gets after a conference or retreat?  I guess I'm riding the "high" right now, but this kind of adrenaline is something that I hope stays...something that will linger and convict me on a daily basis.

As I wrote in my previous post, my word for this year is "freedom". Coincidentally, or God-incidentally rather, one of the central themes to the IF:Gathering is freedom.  Right off the bat, Jennie Allen confessed that she didn't know what God was going to do this weekend, but she knew He was going to do something big.  What could be bigger than releasing one from bondage, and be reminded of the gift of freedom that God wants to give us!?

From heartfelt testimonials of a woman, Margaret Feinberg, who had been given the sentence of cancer, but yet chose to defeat fear and to find freedom in her daily choice of living joyfully; to a teenager who chose to write a song about joy and the human spirit called "Clouds" during his last days before his disease took him, and his mom, Laura Sobiech, who chose to continue his legacy by sending messages of hope and joy through her book Fly A Little Higher.  These were testimonies from ordinary people with an extraordinary message of hope and freedom.

Then there were the big guns, like Jen Hatmaker, my girl Christine Caine, Jennie Allen, Angie Smith, Rebekah Lyons, and Bianca Olthoff (the last 3 of whom I've just gotten acquainted with their teaching and have already garnered my respect!).  The central theme to the conference was the call to believe, and answered questions of why don't we believe, how do we believe, and what could happen if we believe.  The initial tug at my heart-strings came during the opening message where Jennie said that we'd focus on the story of Joshua in the book of Numbers.  And throughout the weekend, the quote "Be strong and courageous" resounded over and over again.  

Each time it was spoken, I thought of my Joshua.  I pray this prayer over him every night, imploring him to be strong and courageous.  As I pray for him, I sometimes see his teenage, grown-up self in my mind and I'm encouraging him to be strong and courageous no matter what the circumstance.  During the course of the weekend, I realized that God is praying this prayer over me!  I need to be strong and courageous, to know that He is with me, that He is for me; that I need to trust Him, I need to believe who He says He is.  Jen Hatmaker said, "When we start to believe His character, you'll start to believe what He says about you."  Wow!!  God is a Promiseland God.  He set us free for freedom-sake!

I want to be just like Joshua of the bible.  He and Caleb were the only 2 who could see the promise that God had for his people.  The other 10 could not see the promises because they were not living out their identity, and a whole generation missed out!  I don't want my children and their children to miss out on the promises that God has for us!  Jo Saxon, another speaker, said "Free people, free people!".  Oh, how I long for that!

I just realized (duh!) that I'm a first-generation Christian in my family.  How did our great God choose me to begin this legacy of faith so that generations from here on out will not miss out on His promises?  And more importantly, why?  This just blows my mind!  That He would consider little old me, who was smack in the middle of a staunch buddhist (mom) and polytheist (dad) set of parents, is a story of major rescue and redemption, and also of promise.  As I look back at how I came to know Christ, I believe that He used even my non-believing parents to set me on the course of faith.  Somehow He had put a thought and desire in their hearts to send me to a Methodist school that was founded by missionaries.  It could also be that this school was the closest school to my grandparents, who took care of my sister and I during the weekdays.  Whatever the reason...proximity, a prompting, them wanting me to be in an all-girl school, etc., I believe God's plan was set in motion for my life right from the beginning.  Little did I know back then that this faith, my faith in the God of the Bible, will be the only thing that I held on to as seasons of life-changing difficulties would ensue and wreck my world.

I digress, but it was important for me to recount those events, because as I write this, I am reminded of God's faithfulness to me.  I need to remember!

So many years have passed since my childhood faith, but I want that back.  I want to be like my Joshua.  His child-like faith to believe wholeheartedly in God and who He is.  My own limits blind me to God's capacity.  Jen Hatmaker said, "we don't have to have full confidence in ourselves, just in God".  And with my Joshua, he trusts God and somehow believes that God will take care of everything.

We know that God is good in the day

We find out that He is good at night

He is even better when things are bad

(Jen Hatmaker)

I've been reading a lot of Christine Caine's books, and in Unstoppable, she talks about ministry being like a relay race.  It's not based on the individual, but on team effort.  Similarly, her message at the conference had the same theme.  A lot of people talk about their destiny, their purpose, their goal.  But she challenged us to think about how it is NOT my destiny, but it's about advancing the cause of the kingdom of God.  Service is the key to our destiny, service is the key to our believing life.  To serve people, even though it may be costly, is a step towards claiming God's promises.  The call of God will be inconvenient and interrupt your life.  Boy, do I know it!  Hearing this message was challenging for me.  It made me think about the Kingdom, rather than how ministry and service have affected me.  It made me think about how I need to serve others, no matter what.  Because it's not about me.  It's about God's Kingdom.  I need to be strong and courageous, take that step of faith, and move towards what God has called me to do.  

So, what has He called me to do?  For such a time as this, I feel that the obvious is true: wife, mother, friend, ministry leader.  But what does my heart cry out to do?  What is my holy discontent?  This is something that I need to seek the Lord for clarity.  While I have some inklings of what I'm passionate about and what I want to fight for, there's still a part of me that is unsure.  I feel like I've lost so much of myself and my identity in the last decade, that when posed with the question, what do you want to do?  I so much as stare and become speechless because, sometimes, I honestly don't know.  I know many moms with young kids feel the same way.  Our lives have been so wrapped around raising our kids and taking care of the family that we've lost ourselves along the way, at least for me, anyway (this will be a blog post on it's own!).  Hence, this weekend was so good just to get away and listen and be encouraged, but also to be challenged to seek God and seek out who He has called us to be.  

Bianca Olthoff capped off the conference with her powerful message about how bondage and unbelief keep us from the Promiseland.  Again, a constant reminder to not lose our vision, but to be strong and courageous and step out in faith even when we don't see fruit.  She said, "results are God's responsibility, and response is ours".

So...

I want to be free.
I want to believe.
I want to respond.
I want to discover and be faithful to who He has called me to be.
I want to play my part in this race that He has set out for me.
I want to encourage, inspire others to run their race, to cheer them on.
I want to "throw off everything that hinders and the sin that so easily entangles, and let us run with perseverance the race marked out for us.  Let us fix our eyes on Jesus, the author and perfecter of our faith...so that you will not grow weary and lose heart." (Hebrews 12:1-3)

For "we are surrounded by a great cloud of witnesses", we are being cheered on, and God, our loving Father, is our biggest cheerleader!