Simplicity, Part 3

I feel like I'm messing up royally in my quest for simplicity.  I was encouraged and enthused after I wrote my previous blog about the fruits of my labor on Labor Day.  Since then, my mountain-top experience has slowly seen a gradual descent to the bottomless pit of disorganized array again.

I look at my, then, clean and organized room and closet, and heave a sigh of disappointment at the mess that seems to find themselves back to these said areas.  Sometimes I wonder if there's an invisible magnet that draws mess into the rooms that I've just cleaned!  It's such a vicious cycle, and I often wonder "why bother?".

Just recently, I walked around IKEA and was admiring all the different rooms that were so nicely put together and decorated.  And I secretly wished that I could snap my fingers and these rooms would magically be transported to my home!  Like this gorgeous bathroom with a double sink (this is actually from Pottery Barn)!

But if my house looked like an IKEA or Pottery Barn catalog (while that would be nice!), it would not be a good representation of who I am.  There's always a longing for something prettier, nicer, cleaner, shinier, but it's not always a true reflection of who were really are. 

Hence, the next chapter of Mindy's book, Simplicity. She titled it, and appropriately, Detecting our Duplicity.  She mentions that one significant barrier to simplicity is a deep fear about the truth.  We need to be honest about our fears, and identify some of the "hard to accept" truths about our life right now.  She encourages us to be honest with where we're at in this season of our life, and even to find a soul friend who is willing to go on this journey of simplicity with you (it's always good to have a few people who truly know you, and who you can be open with, and in return, allow them to speak the hard truths to you, especially when your duplicate self presents herself!).

What resonated most with me in this chapter is when she asks us to explore our calling.  Here are some poignant questions to consider:

Are you living the life you were uniquely created for?
How has God crafted you uniquely?
In what ways does God seem to work through you in other people's lives?
What areas of your work/contribution seem to flow most naturally from who you are?
What roles are in conflict with your design?

(Simplicity, p.44 - 45)

I encourage you to reflect on these questions, and it's in these questions, you may perhaps find your true self, and embrace who God has uniquely created you to be. 

I love what Mindy has to say about God creating each of one of us personally!  Read this...

...you are God's poiema, his workmanship, his unique piece of art, created with great and value and purpose in his image.  You were not created randomly, but with great specificity regarding the impact God intends for you to have in this world.  When you live out of that true identity, it brings great peace and freedom into your life...

And get this...

Our purpose is not the kind of thing we can really screw up in any permanent way.  Your design will always be with you...it's never too late to start (living out your design).  If you're connecting meaningfully with God these days, you're on track.

(Simplicity, p.45)

We can't screw up our purpose!  No matter what, within us, there is a purpose, a north-star, a constant, placed in us by our Creator.  A deviation from that becomes a life of duplicity. 

I love to browse through the home decor catalogs (and Pinterest takes up a lot of time too!).  Since I can't afford anything in them, I start thinking about how I can use my resources to replicate some of the things that I like.  But at the same time, I try to put a little bit of me in every project that I do.  I feel like a good reality check is when friends comment and say "oh that's so you!". 

And this can be a very humbling experience.  What are they seeing in the moment, the project, the item, the experience, that they think is indicative of me?  And is it accurate?  And if I'm being totally honest with myself, I'm the only one who will know (and God too, of course!) if what they are saying is true of who I am, or if they're seeing my duplicate self.  Does that make sense?

For example, my sister-in-law and I were browsing at a local bookstore this summer, and we came across a family of cute magnets.  You could purchase different embellishments and design your own picture frame.  When she saw me toying around with it (and probably could hear my brain clicking as I tried to put together a cute frame), she said, "That is so you!".  And she was right!  I'm far from being a Martha Stewart-type crafter, but I do enjoy using my hands and enjoy creating things.  And I believe that God has placed that joy and desire in me, to use my hands and ideas for creative purposes.

(it may not look like much, but this is a seat-belt pillow

that I made for Joshua for the long car ride up to Green Bay this summer)

Or when I'm watching the news on TV, and I always tear up when I hear of any kind of sadness or injustice inflicted on innocent children, Jared will sometimes tell me, "I see your heart".  And to the core of my being, God has instilled in me a deep love for children.  And I believe that to be one of my purposes in life - to love children well.  I believe this to be my calling, my north-star.  My heart's desire has always been to open an orphanage or a children's home for the parentless, the unwanted, the unloved, the marginalized. 

(I'm so blessed to have my Joshua, Jenna, & Becca!)

 

On the other hand, I've had people tell me that I'm good at leading.  While that's a great compliment, it really isn't true of me.  I'm really not a good leader.  I pretend to be, because I don't want to be judged as incompetent.  And I guess, being a pastor's wife, I feel like I "have to" lead in some capacity.  But in all honesty, I don't thrive or enjoy leading a group (unless it's a group of little kids).  I guess I put up a facade because I don't want to let people down and don't want to seem weak.  So, here's my duplicate self, of trying to be a people-pleaser, and trying to exude a sense of confidence in areas that I'm not confident or gifted at, all for the sake of looking competent and that I can do it all.

To wrap it up, when others see something that I feel is truly who I am to the core of my being, it encourages me, and affirms me that I'm on the right track of being the person that God has created me to be.  But when they observe the opposite, I have to do a reality check and ask myself, "gosh, have I been that far off from who I am?  Am I pretending to be someone I'm not?"  While it may be difficult to receive, I think it's important to have people in your life that can speak those truths to you.

And if you're reading this, I give you full permission to call me out (wait...I think!).  No, really.  I would welcome your honest thoughts and gentle reprimands.  Call me out when you see my duplicate self, cos she may be blinding me with desires of wanting more than I need, needing more than I have, being more than I am.

Simplicity, Part 2

Labor Day was what it was...a day that I labored, but not in having-a-baby kind of way!  It was just nice to have no plans, with nowhere to go.  And I was giddy with excitment to have an entire day to clean, organize, and finish some home projects. 

 

I had challenged myself last week, after reading a section of Mindy Caliguire's study on Simplicity, to clean out the girls' closet.  How did you do?

 

Initially, I didn't do so well.  I felt it necessary to clean and organize our bedroom instead.  I've always thought that one's bedroom should be one's haven...just an escape from the chaos of the rest of the house.  Well, for over a year, our bedroom was not a haven.  Instead, it was a storage room for all the baby stuff that we couldn't find room for.  It became a dumping room where we chucked everything if we had guests over.  So, I started working one section of the room at a time.  And viola!  I'm pleased to say that Jared and I finally have our room back!

 

I then started cleaning out the girls' closet.  And on Labor Day, not only did I conquer that, I went ahead and finished a project that I had started in their room months ago!  I ordered some self-adhesive words through an Etsy shop because I wanted to have some scripture and empowering words in the girls room.  So, the first one is a verse from Proverbs "Charm is deceptive and beauty is fleeting; but praise the woman who fears the Lord."  (I had to modify the verse so that it could fit across the wall)

 

 

 

The next set of words are "Let her sleep...for when she wakes, she will move Mountains".  I got the idea from my photographer friend, Amy.  I really like these words because I pray that my girls will be movers and shakers for the Lord.  God has blessed both of them with spirit and energy, and it is my utmost prayer that they will use their gifts for God's glory.  So I felt like these words meant, Watch out, World!  God has gone before them, and the Ahrens sisters are a-coming!

 

Man, I'm on a roll!  Our 4th bedroom has been a disaster, and one of my goals this summer was to get it cleaned out.  Well, summer has come and gone, and I still had not touched it.  So, right after lunch, I tackled the 4th bedroom and was very pleased with the results.  I finally have my sewing room back!  Here are some before and after pictures (I'm not proud of the before pic!)...

While cleaning out the 4th bedroom, I was able to make different piles of stuff that I am giving away to people. 

In addition, I was able to do 6 loads of laundry, clean the bathroom, and make dinner for the family!  Yes, it was a very productive day!  (Jared and I even had time for a movie night at home after the kids went down)  And yes, I confess...I'm bragging.  But you have no idea how long I've wanted to tackle all of this!  It's probably been a year, and I do feel a sense of accomplishment.

And all this may sound exhausting, but really, I felt awesome at the end of the day!  And I literally felt lighter in my spirit, and a sense of freedom...maybe because I don't have "stuff" weighing me down, or the unending "to-do" list that never seems to get done.  With the completion of each task, I was motivated to move on and do the next one. 

I try to explain this to Jared...that it's hard for me to relax or rest if I know that there's stuff that needs to get done, or if there's something that needs tending to.  It's that nagging thought/thing that lingers around like a shadow, a constant reminder that it still needs to be taken care of.  Until that happens, I can't truly rest.  I know I have problems.  But that's how it is with me.  Am I the only one that feels this way? 

Hence, my desire to simplify, so I won't have all these things I need to get to or do.  And in my quest for simplicity, I see the truths in Mindy's words as she expresses that...in simplicity comes freedom. 

Her next chapter talks about fixing our focus, and I was so convicted in what she had to say:

"...we each run our race...but we are not called to run their races or anyone else's...we are invited to...run the unique race marked out for us."

(Simplicity, p. 21)

Wow!  As moms, and women for that matter, how often do we drive ourselves crazy by trying to be someone we're not.  We covet other women for the way they dress, look, what they have, and as moms, we try to be like everyone else, wanting to give our kids what other kids have, etc.  And in the midst of this duplicity, we ourselves get lost. 

And Mindy challenges us to keep our focus on who God has called us to be.  To run our own race.  And know that there are "invisible witnesses" who are cheering us on:

"The men and women listed in Hebrews 11, and many others throughout scripture, ran their races successfully.  No two races were the same...these individuals didn't follow a common path to be obedient to God, but each ran to finish the race God marked out for them."  (p.20)

Be who you are called to be.  Don't try to be a Mrs. Duggard (I can't remember her first name), or a Martha Stewart, or a Beth Moore.  It's okay to look at their examples to find encouragement and strength and wisdom.  Let them be the cheerleaders who will spur you on.  But ultimately, be you, and be faithful to the race which God has set out for you.  Don't try to be a duplicate.  Stay focused and be you!

Therefore, since we are surrounded by such a great cloud of witnesses, let us throw off everything that hinders and the sin that so easily entangles.  And let us run with perseverance the race marked out for us, fixing our eyes on Jesus, the pioneer and perfector of our faith.  (Hebrews 12:1-2)



"I believe in you"

(sorry, but this post is a little long...)

My heart is heavy.  Joshua did not have a good week at school, and in his frustration, unhappiness, and feelings of despair, I've somehow been bearing his heavy heart as well.  Isn't that what mothers do anyway?

I'm starting to realize that having been a first grade teacher is both a curse and a blessing.  I have certain expectations about how first grade should be, and more importantly, that the teacher should be a nurturing individual whose job is to make first grade fun, and to ensure a great year of academic and social development.  Joshua had a wonderful kindergarten experience, and I was doubly excited for first grade to come because, hey, I taught first grade in the past, and it was a lot of fun, and the students just learned so much. 

So, I guess I went into the new school year a little naive, and with somewhat high expectations.  Needless to say, within the first 2 weeks of school, my expectations and excitement were squelched.  Joshua's teacher is new to the school district, but not new to the Chinese Immersion Program.  She's from mainland China (I think, but definitely a native Chinese speaker).  I think it's neat that she's from China!  Ms. Kuo, Joshua's kindergarten teacher, is from Taiwan, but you couldn't tell because she's got the perfect American accent and her English is flawless.  She was perfect for the Chinese Immersion Program, and just wonderful to the kindergarteners.  The new first grade teacher, while obviously fluent in Chinese, is not so in English.  I realize the enormous stress of starting in a new school, new district, so I understand if she's not as organized as the other teachers.  I give her the benefit of the doubt for not being familiar with the new curriculum.  I give her grace for not being efficient with her communication, as I'm sure she's busy with getting used to the logistics of a new school.  I even understand if she's speaking mostly Chinese in class, even though the students are frustrated because they have a difficult time understanding her (and difficulty understanding her English as well!), because English is not her first language. 

But when I heard about a first grader from Joshua's class who, after hurting herself at recess, complained that her head hurt and told the teacher, and this teacher did nothing (and this child's head continued to hurt all day and even through the evening at home!), I saw red flags.  When I heard accounts from other moms that their child was crying in class, because of difficulty understanding her, and she has no empathy whatsoever, my mommy claws were itching to come out.  And when it finally hit home last week, I was ready to go to battle for my son.

I know it's only Week 2, and the First Graders, especially, are having a hard time adjusting to full-day school.  Many were shedding tears in class because they missed being at home or just missed their mommies, and understandably so!  While I empathize with Joshua and how he misses us, I know not to coddle him too much so as not to encourage his whiney-ness.  I definitely do not want to be an enabler, and cave in to his every "cry" for help (sometimes he can be a little manipulative)!  As parents, we want to acknowledge how he's feeling, but also to help him problem-solve, and figure out what he can do to make things better. 

All week, he was reluctant to go to school.  He kept telling us that he couldn't understand his teacher, also the teacher had put him at a table with one other student who didn't speak English (there are 25 kids in his class, so I don't understand why she didn't just put 5 kids at a table, instead of isolating 2!).  Fortuntately, one other boy joined their table and now there's 3 of them, which I still don't get!  Anyway, Friday morning he started crying at home over breakfast, and cried when we got to school.  He didn't even want to go in.  It was a heart-wrenching moment because I honestly didn't know what to do.  I asked him if he would feel better if I went to talk to his teacher.  And he said yes.  So, I did what I could to go see her.  I couldn't just walk into the building, for security purposes.  So, I had to go to the front office.  And let me tell you, the office staff was not happy with me because they thought that I would be interrupting the teacher (it was 10 minutes before school even started!).  This is one of the incidences that I felt like I had to speak up for my child.  I had to be his advocate and go to bat for him, no matter what.  I mean, he's standing there bawling his eyes out.  I was not going to let him just stay in the office and for me to just walk away.  I didn't know how the office staff or the teacher, for that matter, was going to receive him.  And by golly, I wanted to speak to the teacher and tell her myself why Joshua was so upset!  So, I kept my ground and insisted that I talk to the teacher (hence, they were mad at me!).  Eventually, one of them walked me and Joshua to the classroom.

When she saw us, she came over and asked what was the matter, and I told her that Joshua has been having a difficult time coming to school, specifically, he's having a hard time understanding Chinese, and if and when she spoke English in class.  She didn't seem very sympathetic and said very matter-of-factly, "yes, chinese is hard".  And she frowned and looked confused and told me "but Joshua is doing well in school".  Uh, clearly he's not.  If he was doing well, he'd be loving school and wouldn't be fighting us everyday.  I just wanted her to be aware of how he's feeling.  And interestingly enough, while I was talking to the teacher, a boy in class yelled out "Sam (not his real name) was crying yesterday too!". 

So now I'm starting to wonder how many kids are frustrated and upset, and I'm wondering what she's doing about it.  I was really hoping to get an email from her later that day to tell me how Joshua did at school.  But she didn't.  Anyway, if anything I wanted to bring to her attention what was going on with Joshua, and to let her know that we, as parents, will do our part to help him develop a positive attitude about school.  But she has to do her part as well!  I talked to her for another minute about communication and English literacy, or lack thereof on both parts, and she became defensive. 

So clearly, there is an issue of her personality. 

And I probably went about everything the wrong way.  I guess I was just desperate to "do something".  I'm not proud of becoming one of the those parents.  But I don't regret speaking up for my son. 

While I would love for Joshua to have a nurturing teacher, unfortunately, he does not.  We can't change the circumstance.  So now the big question is...what do we do about this?

Tonight, and every night for that matter, I reminded Joshua of who he is.  I remind him of his namesake, the Joshua from the bible, and how he was strong and courageous.  I reminded him of how special his name is, and how special he is, and why we chose this very name for him.  It's because we believe in him, and we believe that he can be strong and courageous, just like Joshua in the bible.  Tonight, it truly resonated with him.  He looked at me and asked, "You really named me after Joshua from the bible?"  "You really think I can be brave and strong and courageous?"

Our children are grasping for us to believe in them.  And what a huge gift and blessing it is to them when we can look them squarely in the eye and say "I believe in you".  I remember reading David Staal's book "Words Kids Need to Hear", and one of the things we should say is just this - I believe in you.  In fact, it's the very first chapter of the book.  This will carry so much weight with our kids, "because when a parent believes in you, you begin to believe in yourself" (p.15).  Staal continues to say:

"...express your belief in your children now, just the way they are - void of pressure to perform well.  Children especially need our belief when they do not succeed."

(Words Kids Need to Hear, p. 28)

While I can't change the circumstances of Joshua's first grade experience, and I definitely can't change the teacher and how she's wired, I can empower Joshua to believe that God is with him, and that God can give him the strength and courage to be at school, and to give him the hope and assurance that I believe whole-heartedly in him. 

At the same time, I feel convicted about praying for his teacher.  I confess that I do not have pleasant thoughts about her, but I need to...I have to...pray for her as well.  And who knows, this year can only get better, right?

Oh, and P.S.:  I am recommending Dave Staal's book to every parent.  It is insightful, inspiring, and I will be reading it over and over again.  I'll start listing the books that I'm reading or have read on the right-hand column.

And thanks for reading the thoughts of a very frustrated mother who has no idea what she's doing!!