It's Sunday, February 5th, 2012 - the New York Giants just won the Superbowl (should've been the Packers!), and I feel like I'm battling in my own Superbowl...with Team Sickness. Today marks Week 4 of this game. The players on my team have been beaten and bruised, but we all have bounced back. Except for Becca. My poor baby is still sick and her little body is fighting. But she's resilient. She's strong. And she will defeat Sickness, it's just a matter of time.
Hence, I haven't blogged in about a week. I've been busy taking care of sick kids, and busy being sick myself. But in the midst of this season, it becomes apparent who truly cares and will go out of their way to love and serve you.
I realize that being sick is an inadequate analogy of being "in the valley", because there are obviously more dire circumstances that would be a better example. But all the same, small or big, we all have been in seasons of need. And in the seasons when you're in the valley, you can and should rely on your community to walk with you, lead you, spur you on, and emerge with you out of the valleys.
Authentic community has been a buzz phrase in the Christian circle, and some people bawk at the overuse of it. While eyes are rolling, I still, personally, emphasize the need for authentic community if one chooses to pursue "doing life" (another buzz phrase) with other people. Whenever Jared and I join a new small group, it is always our hope and expectation that we would do life with the members of our small group. However, it is a process, because creating an authentic community does not happen overnight. It takes time and attention, as with any friendship. And like I mentioned in an earlier blog post, that it is a two-way street. You can't expect authentic community to occur if only one party is putting forth effort in pursuing the relationship, while the other party continues to keep the walls up. But when both parties are willing to know and be known, what a blessing it is to have a friendship that is based on trust and dependability.
Our small group is reading through John Ortberg's book "Everybody's Normal Till You Get To Know Them". As a somewhat newer small group, this book has spurred us to go deeper with each other. And I appreciate what JO says about community:
People who live deeply in community learn to discern and express the value of other human beings. They are masters of expressing love in word and gesture. They assign high worth, value, and importance to others by viewing them as priceless gifts. (p. 205)
The expression of love in word and gesture, without any expectations of reciprocity, is, to me, the epitome of what authentic community is all about. To love and serve selflessly. Patrick Lencioni, during a recent message at Willow Creek Church, challenged families to figure out what is unique about their family, and what are the family's core values. Having talked through this, Jared and I feel convicted that this will be our family's pursuit - to love and serve others selflessly.
I have to admit, though, that at times, I have been disappointed. While I enjoy serving and loving others, sometimes I wish that it would be reciprocated. Jared's diagnosis is that I love too deeply, and then expect the same from others. And that is unrealistic. Not everyone is wired that way. And maybe I just have unrealistic expectations of people. But wait, aren't we suppose to treat others the way we want to be treated? Hence, with this new vision for our family, I am challenged to serve selflessly, expecting nothing back in return.
However, I'm glad that God has wired me the way I am. And I love this quote from my favorite author:
“There is nothing I would not do for those who are really my friends. I have no notion of loving people by halves, it is not my nature.”
― Jane Austen, Northanger Abbey
It is, indeed, not in my nature. And I'm thankful to my friends, who is not in their nature, to love me and my family half-heartedly, especially these past few weeks while we were in a season of sickness. Thank you for serving us and loving us. Your kind gestures mean more than words can say. Thank you for being part of my authentic community!
To close, let me challenge you with the same question that Lencioni posed: what makes your family unique? what's going to set your family apart?
Great conversation starter, Yvonne. I think the difficulty with loving "too deeply" and not having it reciprocated, is that it hurts. We want to be loved by others as we love them. I think this even happens with our kids. Someone said something about motherhood being the only job you throw your heart and soul into, 24/7, only to see the loved ones move out and on! For me, the answer to this dilemma, is to have respect for my limits, AND to have some friends that are masters of reciprocity!! LynnR
ReplyDeleteMasters of reciprocity...oooh, I love that!! When you find friends like that, they are treasures to hold on too! Thanks for your comment, Lynn! (P.S. talk about hurt...I can't even handle the first day of preschool, let alone anticipating that my babies will eventually move out! But I guess it isn't so bad to known for loving too deeply, right?!)
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