Princess

If you know my Jenna, she is one fiesty 2-year-old who is spirited and just a ball of energy. She's a tough cookie who would rather wrestle with her big brother, scale any kind of wall or barrier, and pretty much will hold her own during playdates that consist of predominantly boys. She has yet to find a girlfriend to play with, and while my not-so girly-girl would rather be a non-conformist and dance to the beat of her own drum, it took me by surprise when she told me that she wanted a "Princess Party" for her birthday.

What?!?!

I wanted to clarify, so I gave her some options...Tinkerbell party? Maybe a Mickey Mouse party? No, she is quite adamant that she wants a Princess Party. So, I have a little over a month to think about what this party is going to look like, since the whole princess thing has not been on my radar at all!

I have to admit, though, that I feel a sense of relief. I mean, I love my high- energy, beautiful girl. I, myself, was a tom-boy growing up. But when I found out I was pregnant with a girl, I was ecstatic! And immediately, my thoughts went to dressing up, having pretend tea parties, playing with dolls, etc. When Jenna showed signs that she wanted none of that, and would rip off the bows that I had placed in her hair, or scale the vending machines at church in her Easter dress (yes, it's true!), my heart did sink a little. My daydreams of taking her on mommy-daughter dates to have high tea were dashed.

But this proclamation of a Princess Party birthday...I see a glimmer of hope! But I really don't want Jenna to be the typical princess-type girls. You know what I mean...the bratty, spoilt, self-entitled type. Maybe that's why I have issues with the term "princess". Or maybe it's the tiara that's throwing me off. While I want her to be a girly-girl, but perhaps not with those "princess" traits which I just defined (sorry, I don't mean to offend anyone who has a "princess" living under their roof!).

But then again, upon further study and reflection, I do think that "princess" is the correct term when describing us as daughters of God. We are His beloved, the daughters of the Most High King. So, yeah...I guess, I'm a princess. You're a princess (or prince).

I'm reading Captivating by Stasi and John Elderedge right now with 2 of my girlfriends. The Elderedges claim that in the heart of every woman, there are 3 desires: to be romanced, to play an irreplaceable role in a great adventure, and to unveil beauty. And they postulate that in every little girl lies a fundamental question: am I lovely?

See, I struggle with that question. Because for the majority of my life, I don't feel that I am. And to be brutually honest, in this present time, I feel especially un-lovely. Because after having three kids, things aren't quite the same as they used to be. The jiggles and the muffin tops...it's all quite depressing. What's more, the post-natal hair loss is devastating to me, too (I asked Jared if he'd still love me if I was bald...honestly, that's how I feel!). I know this all sounds so vain, but ask any mom who just had a baby, and I'm sure she knows what I'm talking about it. Even if I do lose the baby weight from working out, even if my hair grows and I get luscious locks back on my head, I still think I'll struggle with not being lovely. And here's my problem: I'm giving in to the lie that I am not lovely.

I don't think that being lovely is just a physical thing. I believe it's the inner beauty that lies within us. And we, as women, need to have our inner beauty affirmed as well. I know that as a mom, I crave ANY KIND of affirmation. When I was a teacher, I received affirmation almost daily from my students. But as a stay-at-home mom, it's more often than not, a thankless job. So, the question of loveliness is back on the fore-front (and somedays, I don't feel like I deserve to be lovely after yelling at my kids or losing my temper with my husband).

But God sees. And He still thinks I'm lovely. And that's just it. While Jared does a wonderful job of affirming me, ultimately, I need to believe that to be true myself. I need to see how God sees me...that I am His beloved, that I am His princess, that I am lovely.

So, back to Jenna. Maybe she won't be the Princess-Princess type of girl. And that's fine. But she is still our little Princess - someone who knows her mind, and someone who, I know, will fight for what she believes in. I'm thankful that God has created Jenna to be Jenna, and brought her into our lives. She is one-of-a-kind and I wouldn't change a thing about her. She fills our lives with so much joy and laughter. Jenna is lovely, both inside and out. And I pray that she will grow to know it. I also pray that Jenna will use her spirited nature for God's glory as she grows up to be, what I can see, as a Warrior Princess, just like her mommy!