Simplicity, Part 3

I feel like I'm messing up royally in my quest for simplicity.  I was encouraged and enthused after I wrote my previous blog about the fruits of my labor on Labor Day.  Since then, my mountain-top experience has slowly seen a gradual descent to the bottomless pit of disorganized array again.

I look at my, then, clean and organized room and closet, and heave a sigh of disappointment at the mess that seems to find themselves back to these said areas.  Sometimes I wonder if there's an invisible magnet that draws mess into the rooms that I've just cleaned!  It's such a vicious cycle, and I often wonder "why bother?".

Just recently, I walked around IKEA and was admiring all the different rooms that were so nicely put together and decorated.  And I secretly wished that I could snap my fingers and these rooms would magically be transported to my home!  Like this gorgeous bathroom with a double sink (this is actually from Pottery Barn)!

But if my house looked like an IKEA or Pottery Barn catalog (while that would be nice!), it would not be a good representation of who I am.  There's always a longing for something prettier, nicer, cleaner, shinier, but it's not always a true reflection of who were really are. 

Hence, the next chapter of Mindy's book, Simplicity. She titled it, and appropriately, Detecting our Duplicity.  She mentions that one significant barrier to simplicity is a deep fear about the truth.  We need to be honest about our fears, and identify some of the "hard to accept" truths about our life right now.  She encourages us to be honest with where we're at in this season of our life, and even to find a soul friend who is willing to go on this journey of simplicity with you (it's always good to have a few people who truly know you, and who you can be open with, and in return, allow them to speak the hard truths to you, especially when your duplicate self presents herself!).

What resonated most with me in this chapter is when she asks us to explore our calling.  Here are some poignant questions to consider:

Are you living the life you were uniquely created for?
How has God crafted you uniquely?
In what ways does God seem to work through you in other people's lives?
What areas of your work/contribution seem to flow most naturally from who you are?
What roles are in conflict with your design?

(Simplicity, p.44 - 45)

I encourage you to reflect on these questions, and it's in these questions, you may perhaps find your true self, and embrace who God has uniquely created you to be. 

I love what Mindy has to say about God creating each of one of us personally!  Read this...

...you are God's poiema, his workmanship, his unique piece of art, created with great and value and purpose in his image.  You were not created randomly, but with great specificity regarding the impact God intends for you to have in this world.  When you live out of that true identity, it brings great peace and freedom into your life...

And get this...

Our purpose is not the kind of thing we can really screw up in any permanent way.  Your design will always be with you...it's never too late to start (living out your design).  If you're connecting meaningfully with God these days, you're on track.

(Simplicity, p.45)

We can't screw up our purpose!  No matter what, within us, there is a purpose, a north-star, a constant, placed in us by our Creator.  A deviation from that becomes a life of duplicity. 

I love to browse through the home decor catalogs (and Pinterest takes up a lot of time too!).  Since I can't afford anything in them, I start thinking about how I can use my resources to replicate some of the things that I like.  But at the same time, I try to put a little bit of me in every project that I do.  I feel like a good reality check is when friends comment and say "oh that's so you!". 

And this can be a very humbling experience.  What are they seeing in the moment, the project, the item, the experience, that they think is indicative of me?  And is it accurate?  And if I'm being totally honest with myself, I'm the only one who will know (and God too, of course!) if what they are saying is true of who I am, or if they're seeing my duplicate self.  Does that make sense?

For example, my sister-in-law and I were browsing at a local bookstore this summer, and we came across a family of cute magnets.  You could purchase different embellishments and design your own picture frame.  When she saw me toying around with it (and probably could hear my brain clicking as I tried to put together a cute frame), she said, "That is so you!".  And she was right!  I'm far from being a Martha Stewart-type crafter, but I do enjoy using my hands and enjoy creating things.  And I believe that God has placed that joy and desire in me, to use my hands and ideas for creative purposes.

(it may not look like much, but this is a seat-belt pillow

that I made for Joshua for the long car ride up to Green Bay this summer)

Or when I'm watching the news on TV, and I always tear up when I hear of any kind of sadness or injustice inflicted on innocent children, Jared will sometimes tell me, "I see your heart".  And to the core of my being, God has instilled in me a deep love for children.  And I believe that to be one of my purposes in life - to love children well.  I believe this to be my calling, my north-star.  My heart's desire has always been to open an orphanage or a children's home for the parentless, the unwanted, the unloved, the marginalized. 

(I'm so blessed to have my Joshua, Jenna, & Becca!)

 

On the other hand, I've had people tell me that I'm good at leading.  While that's a great compliment, it really isn't true of me.  I'm really not a good leader.  I pretend to be, because I don't want to be judged as incompetent.  And I guess, being a pastor's wife, I feel like I "have to" lead in some capacity.  But in all honesty, I don't thrive or enjoy leading a group (unless it's a group of little kids).  I guess I put up a facade because I don't want to let people down and don't want to seem weak.  So, here's my duplicate self, of trying to be a people-pleaser, and trying to exude a sense of confidence in areas that I'm not confident or gifted at, all for the sake of looking competent and that I can do it all.

To wrap it up, when others see something that I feel is truly who I am to the core of my being, it encourages me, and affirms me that I'm on the right track of being the person that God has created me to be.  But when they observe the opposite, I have to do a reality check and ask myself, "gosh, have I been that far off from who I am?  Am I pretending to be someone I'm not?"  While it may be difficult to receive, I think it's important to have people in your life that can speak those truths to you.

And if you're reading this, I give you full permission to call me out (wait...I think!).  No, really.  I would welcome your honest thoughts and gentle reprimands.  Call me out when you see my duplicate self, cos she may be blinding me with desires of wanting more than I need, needing more than I have, being more than I am.