I AM 40!
I thought that I would cringe saying it, or not really want people to know. But honestly, I think I would rather embrace it, proclaim it, and praise God for 4 decades of life!
It's weird to think that half of my life has been played out, but let's try to look at the positive. I have half (or over half, God-willing!) more to go! I'd like to aspire to be a "cup half full" type of person! The term "mid-life crisis" never occurred to me until someone mentioned it. I really never saw myself as a "middle-aged" woman. When I think of that term, I think of my mother. But then again, she's grown up too, and isn't quite middle-aged anymore. It's my turn. But "middle-age" sounds so...old. So...geriatric. Gray hairs (ok, I have them. But that's genetics!), pronounced muffin tops (I'm working on that!), sagging underarms (working on that too!), and just a loss of zeal for life and a sense of resignation that this is as good as it's going to get.
Then, I googled "mid-life crisis" and this is what I found:
- did you know they have a club called Midlife Club?
- the term "mid life crisis" was only coined in 1965...not too long ago. Why do they have to label everything??
- Wikipedia defines it as:
"a time where adults come to realize their own mortality and how much time is left in their life. A midlife crisis is experienced by many people during the midlife transition when they realize that life may be more than halfway over. Sometimes, a crisis can be triggered by transitions experienced in these years..." (like death of a parent, menopause, empty nest, and even a "zero" birthday!)
- I like what one site calls this season a mid-life "transition" instead of a crisis, because crisis conjures up such negative images. And really, the transition isn't all that bad.(I also googled celebrities who are 40, and I am definitely in good company! I could see myself being girlfriends with Jennifer Gardner (and Ben Affleck is 40, too!) and our families could hang out since our 3 children are the same age! (one can dream!) Also, Cameron Diaz, Alyssa Milano, Jenny Garth, just to name a few gals who are also 40.)
Emotionally, I don't feel like I'm there yet, mid-life. I mean, I still have a 16-month-old at home. I don't feel 40 (I was carded at a restaurant the other day...whoo-hoo!), and a lady at the post-office called me a Baby Mama, I guess she meant that even though I have 3 kids, I look like a baby myself.
It's true when people say that age is just a number. I think that half of it is mental too. I want to stay in good health, not only for my own benefit, but also for the benefit of my husband and children. I want to be able to run around and play soccer with Joshua 10 years from now, I want to be able to travel with my girls and show them all the neat places that I've visited. I want to be able to still go hiking with Jared in the Rockies, and maybe audition for "The Amazing Race" (hint, hint, honey!). And I suppose it helps that I stole the cradle and married someone a few years younger than me. Jared will keep me young!
I believe this scripture verse to be true...that our "body is the temple of the Holy Spirit...therefore, honor God with your bodies" (1 Corinthians 6:18, 20). So, it is our responsibility to take good care of it.
While being young at heart is a good thing, I want to be able to act appropriately too. While it's fun to see some biker grandmas in their leather, and tattooed up the wahzoo, I somehow can't stop to wonder if their "mid-life crisis" hit them a little late! I think there is a difference between aspirations and doing something a little different. Breaking out in leather and getting tattooed is not my cup of tea (and I'm not saying this is wrong, I just want to be a cool granny in a different way!). But we all have our definition of fun.
So in honor of my big 4-0, I decided to create a list of 40 things I'd like to do this year. I started this list last year, and only came up with 21. Some are fun things, like learning how to make GOOD ribs (I stress good, cos I'm a bit of a ribs snob. Can't find good ribs anywhere!), or going to watch a movie in Grant Park this summer; some are from my personal bucket list, like running a half marathon, and connecting with an old friend from primary (elementary) school; while some are more serious, like sharing the gospel with non-believers. So, if you have suggestions of what I could/should do (granted, you probably need to know me first!), please send your suggestions my way! I plan to blog about each activity that is on my list, so you can join in on my fun!
At 40, I know that God isn't done with me yet. I know that He'll continue to grow me and teach me. I still have so much to learn, about Him and about myself. I'm still the clay in my Potter's hand, and am being molded into the person that He wants me to be. I want to be a better wife and mother - to be more patient and loving. I want to be a better friend, and a selfless servant. I want to love my God with pure abandon, and to be a light for Him wherever I go. Ultimately, may my life be a song of praise to Him, and may all that I do bring Him glory!
Last week at church, we sang the song "Lord I Offer My Life to You" by Hillsong, and the lyrics truly resonated with me. The chorus goes like this:
Lord, I offer my life to you
Everything I've been through
Use it for your glory
Lord I offer my days to you
Lifting my praise to you
As a pleasing sacrifice
Lord I offer you my life
Everything I've been through
Use it for your glory
Lord I offer my days to you
Lifting my praise to you
As a pleasing sacrifice
Lord I offer you my life
"Everything I've been through...", even though I've had many difficult seasons in my past, God has redeemed it, and has used it for His glory. And may He continue to do so in my life. There are days when I feel incredibly blessed, and almost feel undeserving of all the blessings, all the grace and mercy that God has chosen to bestow upon me. When people ask me what my dream is, I can undoubtedly say, I'm living it! 20 years ago, I would never have imagined living my life right now. I dreamed of a loving husband, healthy children, a warm home and family to call my own. Who am I that God would choose to bless me with my heart's desires? If He called me home tomorrow, I am pleased to say that I have no regrets (except that I would be leaving my loved ones behind!). But I truly believe that there's nothing that I could've done to earn God's love and blessings. He chose me! He chose me! And I'm going to choose to honor my God the best way I know how...to love Him, and to offer my life to Him. May this song (above) be my anthem!
I am excited about 2013! It's kind of nice to have a birthday early in the year...it literally is a new beginning, a new slate, with hopes and aspirations. I am looking forward to all that He has in store for me!
I want to live life fabulously at forty! Forty...fun and fabulous! I think that works!
My greatest joys and blessings!
Jared
Joshua
Jenna
Becca
My girls!
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