The List...#7, #8, #9

I know it's been a while since I last blogged about my 40 things to do list.  Just having too much fun this summer!  Well, now that summer is officially over since Joshua is back at school, I figured I need to pick up where I left off.  I've been checking off a few things on my "40 List".  Here are just a few...

#7.  Take a Zumba Class

And I did!  And I loved it!

I utilized a Groupon gift card which I got for my birthday to purchase a 10-visit pass.  Today was my first class, and I was greeted by the warmest people at the Health First Wellness Center in Schaumburg.  My Zumba instructor, Terri, was ah-mazing!  She's probably my mother's age, but she had the energy of my four-year-old!  And she rocked it!  The class was so much fun, and I can't wait for my next one!

#8. Own a pair of Tom's shoes

I feel like I'm the last person around who owns a pair of Tom's shoes.  But a cute red wedge caught my eye in Nordstrom on my way to work on a winter's day.  I'm not a shoe person by any means, but for some reason, I fell in love with this pair of wedges.  So, in January, I started saving for these shoes.  In May, I became the proud owner of a pair of Tom's shoes! 

(My Tom's!  Do you like how the Ninjago guys in the background are adoring it too?
 

 

#9.  Find the best recipe for ribs

 

I know it's only June, and the year is only half-way through.  But I've tried 4 ribs recipes so far, and I've narrowed it down to my favorite.  But before I reveal the recipe, I wanted to address my insatiable appetite for ribs.  I've always been a "give me meat or steak" kind of girl.  I attribute that to my dad's influence!  He used to work in the shipping business, where he would deal with the import/export of food to big shipping companies, like ocean-liners, fleets, etc.  So, my dad knows food!  Hence, his food snobbery rubbed off on me!  He knew what and where to get the choicest steaks, the best wine, the sort-after seafood.  

 

I don't remember when it was when I tried ribs for the first time.  I've had home-made Chinese pork ribs, but maybe it wasn't till I moved to the States that I tried ribs bathed in BBQ sauce.  And I was in heaven!  I think the best ribs I had was when I was in Louisiana.  It was a small hole-in-the-wall restaurant.  I remember we had to climb up a narrow set of staircase and were ushered to a rickety table and chairs.  But the ribs made up for it all!  I haven't been the same since!  I love the South!  And I have yet to find ribs of the same caliber in the Chicagoland area.  Hence, my quest this year...to find the best recipe (or something close enough!) so that I make it myself!

 

I know I don't like the dry rub ones, nor the ones that have hardly any meat on it.  I've had decent ribs at Wildfire Restaurant, but roll my eyes at other franchises that say they have the best ribs in town (I don't think so Chili's, Applebee's, and even Portillo's!).   My criteria for good-eatin' ribs are that they have to be fall-off-the-bone, juicy, sweet & spicy, and just finger-lickin' good!  The ones that require a bib and a boxful of napkins.  Tie-your-hair-back, take-jewelry-off-your fingers, roll-up-your-sleeves, and be-ready-to-get-messy kind of ribs!

 

After scouring websites, cookbooks, and some recipes from friends, I think I found one that's pretty close to what I tasted in Louisiana.  Thanks to my friend, Sam, here's the recipe.  It's simple, but so delicious!

 

 

BBQ Ribs (oven or grill)

Boil (90 mins)

Bake @ 425 (20 mins each side) or

Grill each side with BBQ sauce

- baby back ribs, quartered slabs

- boil, then simmer in stock pot w/onions, minced garlic, generous amounts of salt & pepper, or Lawry's seasoning. Any savory or mesquite spices will do.

- after boiling until meat is fork tender or easily pulled away from bone, transfer to baking pan or large dish

- generously slather on BBQ sauce of choice, bake curl side up first (20 mins), then flip,

  slather more BBQ sauce, finish baking other side (20 mins) or browned & glazed to liking

 

I made the ribs accompanied with an Asian Ramen Salad.  This picture doesn't do it justice!

More on Letting Go

It's Sunday morning and as it turns out, both Jared and I are sick.  He went to Urgent Care and was diagnosed with walking pneumonia (I never understood that term...).  I haven't had the chance to go to the doctor yet, so we just have to make do with us two being sick and take turns being on kiddie duty.  Since I feel like a Mac truck just ran over me, I'm resting in bed this morning.  On the bright side, I'm able to catch up on some reading, some emails, and some blogging!  It's a rarity that I get an extended amount of down time!

The first week of school is well underway, and it seems like routine is slowly starting to take root again in our home.  Joshua started his Fall season of soccer, and I've accepted a subbing assignment for this coming week...God-willing, I'll be feeling better by then.

Josh with good friend, Jack, on the first day of soccer.

I was a couple of days behind on my Jesus Calling devotion, and was doing some catch-up this morning.  I wish I had read the August 23rd devotion on the 23rd!  It spoke volumes to me, and it would have coincided nicely with the prayer time I had with the other moms from school.  Here's what it said...

"Entrust your loved ones to me; release them into My protective care.  They are much safer with me than in your clinging hands.  If you let a loved one become an idol in your heart, you endanger that one - and yourself...

 

...when you release loved ones to me, you are free to cling to my hand.  As you entrust others into my care, I am free to shower blessings on them.  My presence will go with them wherever they go, and I will give them rest.  This same Presence stays with you, as you relax and place your trust in Me.  Watch to see what I will do."

As a mom, I am such a control-freak.  Okay, who am I kidding?  I'm a control freak in all areas of my life!  Learning to let go and surrender is very difficult. 

For so many years of my life, starting from around my mid-teens, I've had to take care of myself.  I didn't grow up in a "normal" family and my rites of passage were either way too early or excluded all together.  I've had to figure things out, figure life out mostly by myself, and by the grace of God, He's given me a conservative spirit which I believe was to my benefit during those formative years.  Don't get me wrong, I did have some fun along the way...but nothing that has caused me a lifetime of regret.  Just the typical retrospective "what were you thinking?", like the time when I was in Barcelona, and some fellow Aussies and I were challenged by other fellow Commonwealth friends (namely the South Africans and Brits!) into a drinking game.  Or when I got lost in Athens and decided it was a good idea to follow some stranger on a bus because he said he knew how to get to the US Embassy (yes, my dad still reminds me to this day that I could've been lying dead in a ditch somewhere!), or when I found myself in downtown LA at 2am waiting for a bus to take me back to the youth hostel, or trying to prove a point by hanging over the ledge of a precipice at the Grand Canyon.

But for the most part, I think I've done a pretty good job at taking care of myself, not really having to rely on anyone.  And then came marriage and kids.  As newly-weds, Jared and I both brought with us our own sets of ideas of how certain things should be done.  Things like finances, car maintenance, just to name a couple!  I remember how difficult it was for me to relinquish control over the finances because how it worked for me all these years SHOULD be the way we do it in our new marriage, right?  Even though every fiber in my being was screaming "My way is the right way!", I had to learn how to release that control.  I've always had my own checking account, and it's something that my dad had always ingrained in me.  Maybe it's an Asian thing, I don't know.  But the notion of having a joint account after I became Mrs. Ahrens bothered me.  To clarify, I'm okay with the joint account, but there was NO WAY I was getting rid of my own checking account!  Through the course of the first couple of years of marriage, I stayed true to my convictions.  But I realized that having an exclusive joint account was something very important to Jared.  So, I think on our 2nd or 3rd Christmas together as a married couple, I put my letter from the bank in a gift box, wrapped it up and gave it to Jared.  The letter was a confirmation of me terminating my own checking account.  I know it doesn't seem like a big deal, but it was a huge step for me to relinquish my control over my finances to someone else, even if that someone else is my husband.

With the kids, I've always had this residual pride that since I was a teacher, that I knew kids.  And when I was pregnant, I read so many books on how to take care of babies, child-rearing, subscribed to Parenting magazines, etc.  I just wanted to be in the know.  It irked me when Jared came along and decided to do things with the kids his own way, and the prideful side of me would get mad and say "you haven't read a single thing about parenting, so what makes you think that what you're doing is right?!"  But I've made so many mistakes as a parent, and on most days, I wish I could be more like Jared!  He follows his heart, not a book.  He follows his God-given parental instincts, and not a list of have-to's. 

So, letting go has been a difficult process for me.  Not only with the kids, but with my life.  I need to surrender all aspects of my life to Him.  He is in control.  He is in the driver's seat.  I just need to trust and obey, and let God be God.  Jan Silvious, a Christian comedian, says "There's only one God, and you're not Him."  How true!  So as the kids get older, I know that I will be plunging head first into learning how to release them.  The devotion on the 23rd is just a reminder to me that God is with them.  It's not only letting them go, but also letting God work, letting Him bless them.  And letting His peace dwell in me and see what He will do in my own life.

"Under His wings you will find refuge."

First Day of School

Today is the first day of 2nd grade for Joshua.  How did 7 years fly by in what seemed like a blink of an eye?  I must admit, I get as nervous and anxious as Joshua does!  With the start of each year comes a blank slate.  What will this year hold?  What will he learn?  Who will his best friend at school be?  What will be his favorite subject (it thrilled me to no end that he said that his favorite thing to do in school is writing...and not recess!!  He even bought a journal!)?

With the start of each year also comes lots of prayers.  I pray especially for the teachers, his classmates, and for protection over the school.  Prayer is the only thing that keeps me sane while Joshua is away from me.  Prayer is an acknowledgment that God is greater, that God is in control, and that God is watching over my Joshua and is with him when I can't (He's the omnipresent babysitter!).  Last year, I invited a couple of moms from Joshua's class over to our home for some fellowship and to spend some time praying for our children.  I believe that there is a great battle going on over the hearts, souls, and minds of our children.  We need to be warrior moms who will go into battle for our kids.  God has equipped us with the gift of prayer as our weapon.  And nobody wants to mess with a group of moms who have donned their armor and are wielding their swords of faith, right?  So, I'm looking forward to our battle prayer time with the other moms from school.

 

¹³ Therefore put on the full armor of God, so that when the day of evil comes, you may be able to stand your ground, and after you have done everything, to stand. ¹⁴ Stand firm then, with the belt of truth buckled around your waist, with the breastplate of righteousness in place, ¹⁵ and with your feet fitted with the readiness that comes from the gospel of peace. ¹⁶ In addition to all this, take up the shield of faith, with which you can extinguish all the flaming arrows of the evil one. ¹⁷ Take the helmet of salvation and the sword of the Spirit, which is the word of God.

¹⁸ And pray in the Spirit on all occasions with all kinds of prayers and requests. With this in mind, be alert and always keep on praying for all the Lord’s people." (Ephesians 6:13-18)

Joshua didn't want to get out of bed this morning, even though we started getting him up early last week so that he'd get used to it (he's such a teenager-wannabe!).  Eventually, he did after much coaxing and threats!  We finished breakfast, got dressed, and took the traditional first day of school pics.  As we walked to school, I wondered...will he still hold my hand??  And he did!  And that just made my day!  I remember telling Jared that this may be the last year that he'll hold my hand before he thinks it's uncool!

Anyway, I sent my first-born off to 2nd grade this morning, and I'll have a couple of weeks for my mommy heart to recover before sending Jenna off to preschool.  I thought that with each passing year, the first day of school will get easier.  Well, it isn't for me.  It's not just a rite of passage for the children, but for the parents too.

In honor of the first day of school, below is a blog post I wrote for Joshua when he started kindergarten!  It still brings a tear to my eye...

Enjoy!


The night before the first day of Kindergarten...

We picked out your clothes...you wanted to wear your new football t-shirt.

We packed your backpack, and placed it by the door...I'm so proud of you for not complaining about not having a new bag, and you are perfectly happy with the Toy Story backpack from last year.

We snuggled into your bed, and read a new book about the night before kindergarten...you were so excited about all the new things that you would learn this year!

And we prayed together...for a good night's sleep and thanked God for the many blessings in our lives, especially for Kindergarten and that it's finally here.

I kissed you good-night as I always do, and as I turned off your light, you said to me "Mommy, I'm growing up! I can't wait to go to Kindergarten tomorrow!"

"Yes, baby! You're going to Kindergarten! And I'm so proud of you!" But as I said those words, I fought back tears, and I felt something squeezing my heart. For I never thought this day would come. Okay, I know it's just Kindergarten...but time is zooming by like the speed of light, and I can barely catch my breath before the next milestone appears. So, on this night before yet another milestone, I want to capture the moment and store it in my heart forever. I feel like this is the first step of me letting go, as if my pinky finger is being pryed open...slowly, but surely, I have to let you go.

But as I let you go, I know that you are not going alone. I pray that you will know that God is with you...and my heart goes with you, too.

So, on the morning of the first day of school, this is what I saw...



But my heart saw this...





And when you sat in the car, I turned and saw this...



But really, this is what I saw...




And when I hugged you goodbye and wished a great first day for you, Daddy took this picture...



But these are the pictures that are etched in my heart...





I love you, Joshua!

Do Not Abandon Your Mission

I know it's been a long time since I posted on my blog.  You can't see this, but I have a list of posts that are sitting as drafts.  I don't know about you, but I can't quite seem to find a good chunk of time to sit down and write a post, let alone complete one.  When I went back to my list of drafts, I get disillusioned because it just reminds me yet again of all my good intentions, yet failing to complete tasks at hand.  Such is my life as a mom, I suppose. 

I have to admit, though, that this has been a busy season, a difficult season, an empty season.  Those adjectives sound so contradictory, yet true.  Yes, in the midst of busyness, one can feel empty.  I confess that busyness is my drug.  My attempt to mask the pain of emptiness and loneliness.  At the end of the day, even though I've done a,b,c with x,y,z, my soul still yearns to be filled.  And in my emptiness, it is not difficult for the evil one to fill it with lies, accusations, threats, death.

A week ago, I said ENOUGH! 

I need Jesus.

I need Him to fill me.  I need Him to restore me, love me, and to give me peace.  Yes, peace!  The kind of peace that surpasses understanding, as He promised in Philippians 4.  The peace that calmed the storm in Matthew 12.  The pure, unadulterated peace that chases away doubt, chaos, fear, lies, and then envelopes you with calmness, stillness, contentment, REST, hope, and truth! 

It was a week ago that I had the privilege to help my good friend, Becky, out at the Global Leadership Summit at Willow Creek Church.  It's been 4 years since I last went, and I'm so grateful to have the opportunity to go this year.  Becky was representing Freedom Firm, an organization that rescues girls from the brothels in India who had been sold into sex trafficking, and Freedom Firm's work also encompasses the restoration and rehabilitation of these girls (www.freedomfirm.org).  I was thrilled to be able to help Becky for 2 days, and even more so, I'm so proud of her for living out her dream and fulfilling her holy discontent.

God chose to bless me over the 2 days that I was at the Summit.  Even though I was there to serve, I was blessed and convicted by the messages that I heard during the sessions.  That's the beauty of the GLS.  You don't have to be a leader to appreciate and be reminded of the truths of God's word and the love our great God has for each of us.  But as a leader, the messages were encouraging, thought-provoking, and almost like a friend who is there to cheer you on as you reflect on your leadership role and responsibilities. 

I loved Colin Powell's message (yes, THE Colin Powell...see pic below.  Since I was helping out at a booth, I could not be in the auditorium.  But we had an excellent view of the screens that showed what was going on in the main auditorium!). 

He was articulate, down-to-earth, relatable, and funny at times.  But one thing that stood out to me in his message was "do not abandon your mission".  As a mom, there are days when I've just had it.  I've given myself a time-out just to have some quiet in my bedroom, or even taken long, intentional potty breaks, to literally sit and be still!  God has called me to be a mom.  It's one of my missions.  But obviously, I can't abandon my kids!  But I believe that it's somewhat abandonment if I'm not being the mom whom God has called me to be.  I'm not saying we have to be "on" 24/7, or to be the perfect, pinterest-personified mom.   But a mom who seeks after God and His Kingdom first.  A mom who is real, and surrenders herself, failures and all, to Jesus.  A mom who says "I can't do this.  I suck at this.  I hate this." and brings all her insecurities and fears on her knees to God.  A mom who is knee-deep in laundry and dishes, and is having a hard time finding joy in all things, but raises her soap-lathered hands and just closes her eyes and whispers "Jesus give me strength".  I know God sees us.  He sees you.  I know there'll be a special place in the heavenly spas for us moms.  But while we're here on earth, we need to be faithful to the calling that God has for our lives. 

"Do not abandon your mission."  It doesn't just have to be motherhood, but also ministry, work, being a wife or a good friend. 

But how can I be the mom (or wife or friend) God has called me to be if I'm feeling empty?  This is when I knew it's time for some soul care.

As I listened to the messages at the Summit, something happened in my soul.  I wanted the conference to go on for days, because as I sat there listening and being blessed and reminded of truths, I just wanted more and more of it.  It was like a dry desert plain that was experiencing the first drops of rain, and it was absorbing every ounce of moisture that touched it's surface.  And in my soul, I just knew I needed more of this.  More of Jesus. 

So, the week after the Summit was over, I committed to listening to messages online in the afternoons while Becca napped and the older kids had some quiet down time.  I downloaded messages onto iTunes and listened to them as I trained for my half-marathon.  I listened to Elderege, Ortberg, Christine Caine like a million times!  And while I only started this commitment not too long ago, I know that it's only doing good for my soul.  And I pray that, in time, the truths of God's word and love delivered through gifted speakers, can and will transform me from the inside out. 

I was blessed by Patrick Lencioni, Brene Brown, Henry Cloud, and others at the conference, and I could write so much more about how their words have encouraged me.  And maybe I will as I continue on my journey of wanting more of Jesus. 

Colin Powell also posed the question, "Were you a good soldier?"  I know that when the day comes for God to call me home, He will ask me a similar question as I stand before Him to give an account of my life.  Have I been a good warrior?  Have I fought the good fight?  Did I run the race well?  Have I been faithful to Him who has set me apart to be His? 

I want to be able to look at my Jesus in the eye and say that I have tried, though not perfectly, but I've tried.  And my heart's desire is to hear him say, "My beloved!  My good and faithful servant."