Do Not Abandon Your Mission

I know it's been a long time since I posted on my blog.  You can't see this, but I have a list of posts that are sitting as drafts.  I don't know about you, but I can't quite seem to find a good chunk of time to sit down and write a post, let alone complete one.  When I went back to my list of drafts, I get disillusioned because it just reminds me yet again of all my good intentions, yet failing to complete tasks at hand.  Such is my life as a mom, I suppose. 

I have to admit, though, that this has been a busy season, a difficult season, an empty season.  Those adjectives sound so contradictory, yet true.  Yes, in the midst of busyness, one can feel empty.  I confess that busyness is my drug.  My attempt to mask the pain of emptiness and loneliness.  At the end of the day, even though I've done a,b,c with x,y,z, my soul still yearns to be filled.  And in my emptiness, it is not difficult for the evil one to fill it with lies, accusations, threats, death.

A week ago, I said ENOUGH! 

I need Jesus.

I need Him to fill me.  I need Him to restore me, love me, and to give me peace.  Yes, peace!  The kind of peace that surpasses understanding, as He promised in Philippians 4.  The peace that calmed the storm in Matthew 12.  The pure, unadulterated peace that chases away doubt, chaos, fear, lies, and then envelopes you with calmness, stillness, contentment, REST, hope, and truth! 

It was a week ago that I had the privilege to help my good friend, Becky, out at the Global Leadership Summit at Willow Creek Church.  It's been 4 years since I last went, and I'm so grateful to have the opportunity to go this year.  Becky was representing Freedom Firm, an organization that rescues girls from the brothels in India who had been sold into sex trafficking, and Freedom Firm's work also encompasses the restoration and rehabilitation of these girls (www.freedomfirm.org).  I was thrilled to be able to help Becky for 2 days, and even more so, I'm so proud of her for living out her dream and fulfilling her holy discontent.

God chose to bless me over the 2 days that I was at the Summit.  Even though I was there to serve, I was blessed and convicted by the messages that I heard during the sessions.  That's the beauty of the GLS.  You don't have to be a leader to appreciate and be reminded of the truths of God's word and the love our great God has for each of us.  But as a leader, the messages were encouraging, thought-provoking, and almost like a friend who is there to cheer you on as you reflect on your leadership role and responsibilities. 

I loved Colin Powell's message (yes, THE Colin Powell...see pic below.  Since I was helping out at a booth, I could not be in the auditorium.  But we had an excellent view of the screens that showed what was going on in the main auditorium!). 

He was articulate, down-to-earth, relatable, and funny at times.  But one thing that stood out to me in his message was "do not abandon your mission".  As a mom, there are days when I've just had it.  I've given myself a time-out just to have some quiet in my bedroom, or even taken long, intentional potty breaks, to literally sit and be still!  God has called me to be a mom.  It's one of my missions.  But obviously, I can't abandon my kids!  But I believe that it's somewhat abandonment if I'm not being the mom whom God has called me to be.  I'm not saying we have to be "on" 24/7, or to be the perfect, pinterest-personified mom.   But a mom who seeks after God and His Kingdom first.  A mom who is real, and surrenders herself, failures and all, to Jesus.  A mom who says "I can't do this.  I suck at this.  I hate this." and brings all her insecurities and fears on her knees to God.  A mom who is knee-deep in laundry and dishes, and is having a hard time finding joy in all things, but raises her soap-lathered hands and just closes her eyes and whispers "Jesus give me strength".  I know God sees us.  He sees you.  I know there'll be a special place in the heavenly spas for us moms.  But while we're here on earth, we need to be faithful to the calling that God has for our lives. 

"Do not abandon your mission."  It doesn't just have to be motherhood, but also ministry, work, being a wife or a good friend. 

But how can I be the mom (or wife or friend) God has called me to be if I'm feeling empty?  This is when I knew it's time for some soul care.

As I listened to the messages at the Summit, something happened in my soul.  I wanted the conference to go on for days, because as I sat there listening and being blessed and reminded of truths, I just wanted more and more of it.  It was like a dry desert plain that was experiencing the first drops of rain, and it was absorbing every ounce of moisture that touched it's surface.  And in my soul, I just knew I needed more of this.  More of Jesus. 

So, the week after the Summit was over, I committed to listening to messages online in the afternoons while Becca napped and the older kids had some quiet down time.  I downloaded messages onto iTunes and listened to them as I trained for my half-marathon.  I listened to Elderege, Ortberg, Christine Caine like a million times!  And while I only started this commitment not too long ago, I know that it's only doing good for my soul.  And I pray that, in time, the truths of God's word and love delivered through gifted speakers, can and will transform me from the inside out. 

I was blessed by Patrick Lencioni, Brene Brown, Henry Cloud, and others at the conference, and I could write so much more about how their words have encouraged me.  And maybe I will as I continue on my journey of wanting more of Jesus. 

Colin Powell also posed the question, "Were you a good soldier?"  I know that when the day comes for God to call me home, He will ask me a similar question as I stand before Him to give an account of my life.  Have I been a good warrior?  Have I fought the good fight?  Did I run the race well?  Have I been faithful to Him who has set me apart to be His? 

I want to be able to look at my Jesus in the eye and say that I have tried, though not perfectly, but I've tried.  And my heart's desire is to hear him say, "My beloved!  My good and faithful servant."