Prayers Needed

"Draw close to me, and I will draw close to you." (James 4:8)

"In my weakness, He is made strong."  (2 Cor 12:9)

"The Lord is my strength and fortress.  My refuge in time of distress." (Jer 16:19)

"I can do all things through Christ who strengthens me." (Phil 4:13)

These are just some of the (abbreviated) verses that I've been meditating on this, what would seem like, a very long and emotional week.  At this exact moment as I'm typing this post, Jared is getting an MRI.  He's been having severe headaches for a few weeks, and it hasn't really gone away.  On July 4th, after running a race in the morning, he was taken to the ER for heat exhaustion and dehydration.  The persistent pain that he experienced then was, according to the doctors, caused by swelling of the brain.  He was told that, in time with rest, it would go away.

Well, it hasn't.  The pain in his head gets triggered by even moderate activity, and this is disconcerting.  So, he went back to the doctor a few weeks ago, and was told to get a CAT scan - just to rule out something serious like a brain tumor.  Well, for days we worried.  He was finally scheduled to get the CAT scan this past Monday.  The results didn't show anything conclusive.  So, he started conversing with a neurologist, who suggested that he get an MRI done.  So, that's where he's at right this present moment.  (I'm sure I'll be posting this after the fact, but if you can, please say a prayer for Jared.)

With terms like "swelling of the brain" and "brain tumor" being tossed around, it's totally messing with me.  I've had sleepless nights, and being a morbid person anyway, my thoughts are not helping much.  So, I've been praying against unhelpful and worrying thoughts. 

Also, we are leaving for our mission's trip in a couple of weeks.  With Jared's current state, we are uncertain as to how that will all pan out for him.  Even if he goes, we are concerned that the high altitude would mess with the pressure in his head.  So, a lot of unknowns.  Please pray for this too.

Today is the first time I'm sharing this "heaviness" with friends.  Some of my closest friends have a lot going on right now in their lives, and I guess I didn't want to burden them with my stuff.  But I'm at the point where I feel the need for others to carry me and walk with me through this time, with the power of prayer and the comfort of friendship.

To be totally honest with you, I hesitate sharing sensitive stuff like this because I'm afraid of how it will be received.  I've had the unfortunate experience in the past of being deeply hurt by other people's comments and reactions after sharing personal struggles and stories.  Listening and empathizing is a great gift.  But hearing words like "but everything is better now", or "see?  I just knew it would all work out", or the soul-crushing "I told you so", these words are not helpful nor affirming.  Yes, it's more than likely that everything will be okay.  But those phrases and comments are insensitive and not at all helpful, because it just negates what I'm feeling.  Maybe this is just me.

But in this moment, I am coveting your prayers for Jared.  And come what may, I will be grateful for your prayers and friendship.  If you think you should speak those "why did you even worry, cos everything is fine" words, I ask that you keep those comments to yourself. 

I haven't really gone into much detail about the events that occurred on July 4th which led to Jared going to the ER.  But he had a life-altering moment while he waited for the ambulance to come - he honestly thought that he was going to die.  In that moment, his heart was for people to come to know Christ (some of you may have heard me share the, now comical, story of how he was yelling at people to make peace with God!).  That is who Jared is to the core - one who loves Jesus with all his heart, soul, strength, and mind.  And all he really wanted at that moment was to tell others about Him and the need for Jesus in their lives.  Because that's really all that matters when it's all said and done. 

To God be the glory...come what may!